In our current society, we are plagued with the mindset of treating the symptoms and numbing our pain. We are neglecting the most important question that we all need to be asking ourselves on a regular basis. I remember being 10 years old and this question was a major part of my life. I wanted to understand the reason behind things and was not satisfied until I understood the underlying reasons for something. My uncle would often get quite irritated with me because I would continually ask him, but why? Each time he would answer me, I would ask again, but why. It wasn't until I understood or had a greater understanding of what he was speaking to me about that I was able to let it go.
Fast forward 30 years and I am seeing this question as being one of the most important ones that I ask frequently to those we walk with. We are not satisfied to just hear about what you are experiencing, but why you are experiencing these things. I call it the BIG WHY! Why are you feeling, thinking and experiencing what you are? Don't just stick with the surface stuff that comes to mind but find out the deeper reasons. Why am I feeling this way?
It will never be an effective way of healing your trauma, wounds and memories if you only focus on how you are feeling in the moment and try to manage those emotions. You need to dig deeper and expose the root of the issue. You need to find out WHY you are feeling these things. You will often not be able to answer it the first time. It will take asking yourself this one question over and over again until you will get to the root of the issue.
It takes an average of 7 times of asking yourself WHY to get to the source of the issue. Here is an example
When I am feeling depressed. Ask yourself why am I feeling depressed.
Because nothing goes right in my life. Why do I feel that nothing goes right in my life?
Because the dreams I hoped for never come to pass. What dreams do I have that have not come to pass?
I had a dream to travel and explore the world, but I cannot do that. Why can't I pursue my dream of travelling?
Because I don't have enough money and I can't take time off work? Why don't I have enough money? I have a very stable job and I make a good income.
I am not sure, I seem to be living paycheck to paycheck. There is never anything left over at the end of the month. Why don't I have any savings? What do I spend all my money on?
I feel bad most of the time and going shopping makes me feel better. It gives me joy to buy something new.
Are the things I am accumulating bringing me lasting joy or just monetary relief? Am I feeling weighed down by the things I have accumulated? Why do I feel bad most of the time? What am I feeling bad about?
I feel rejection and deep sadness. When was the first time I felt this way?
The first time I remember feeling rejected was when my parents moved when I was in grade 3. I was laughed at and bullied on the very first day of attending this new school. No one befriended me. I have struggled with feeling accepted ever since.
So with the issue above the issue is not depression, the person is feeling depressed as a result of an undealt issue from their childhood. Once you get to the root of the issue then you will be able to bring healing and resolution to that memory and then start making new choices to be able to pursue their dreams.
I would walk with them to heal the trauma associated with the rejection they felt in grade 3. Then we would work on how we can pursue the things that would truly bring them life. In the above example, this person has been accumulating stuff for years to help manage the emotional pain of their rejection. They had already communicated that their dream is to travel, but they can't afford to travel. I would have them choose the first location they want to travel to. Research what it would cost to make this dream come true. Then I would bring to their attention the fact that they have accumulated things for the past 20 years that they do not need and that do not bring them long-lasting joy. I would encourage them to stop purchasing items they don't need and also start selling off the items they purchased. Save all that money up and before they know it they will be booking time off work to take their first vacation of many!
So before you just want to treat the symptoms of what you are feeling in the moment be willing to ask yourself WHY am I feeling this way? Continue asking yourself WHY until you figure out the root problem. Once you understand the underlying reasons then the effort you put into making positive changes in your life will bear much fruit. You will start to grow and heal much faster.
Join us on June 1st for our Monthly Webinar. June's topic is called "THE BIG WHY!" where I will be sharing about this important topic in more depth. Click the button below to register and get the zoom link. We look forward to seeing you then!
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